What forgiveness is (P.5) : forgiving yourself, letting go of guilt
- Simone-Christelle NgoMakon
- 18 hours ago
- 9 min read
Sabah ul kheyr (صباح الخير) brother of JESUS! Këlëyan sister of JESUS!
Do not let those who lack GOD’s vision for their own lives tell you how to live yours. GOD calls you by your name (Isaiah 45:3-5): the name of your destiny, the name of His covenant, the name of His promises, the name of CHRIST. The wind of GOD is blowing in your direction and in your favour. It will lift up tents, but it will not knock yours down. You will rest in His presence and rise up filled with His strength. An embargo is lifted and a wall is crumbling. A giant has fallen, two others are falling after him. A palm tree is planted and a grove springs up around it. It will be as tall as a bamboo and have the roots of a baobab. May GOD open doors for you, grant you creativity, skill and discernment. May you receive the ability to plant, to innovate and to restore.
❖ In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace 8that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding. (Ephesians 1: 7-8, NIV)
❖ If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9, KJV)
❖ For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified [g]freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus. (Romans 3:23-24, NKJV)
❖ Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.” Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:23-24, NKJV)
Through the article on the consequences of unforgiveness, we have come to understand that a lack of forgiveness is destructive and can lead to death. If we want to be free, restored and made in the image of CHRIST, forgiveness is essential. We have 21 reasons to forgive. Forgiving allows GOD to heal us, restore us and take vengeance on our behalf. It is to our advantage to leave vengeance and retribution to Him. Last week, we studied the differences between regret, guilt and repentance. We clearly understood that simply feeling regret is not enough. We must not fall into the trap of guilt. We must rely on GOD and repent. Often, the person we need to forgive is oneself.
Those who receive God’s forgiveness forgive themselves. To receive God’s forgiveness is to believe what He says and to repent. He restores those who confess and repent (1 John 1:9, 2 Peter 3:9). He allows Himself to be found by those who seek Him (Jeremiah 29:13-14). He comes to the aid of the faith of those who call upon Him (Mark 9:23-24, Matthew 7:7). He loves everyone, he paid the price for everyone and desires the salvation of everyone (Ephesians 1:7-8, 1 John 2:2, 2 Corinthians 5:2, Romans 3:23-24). Everyone, everyone, everyone and again everyone without exception. Whoever repents is forgiven. Whoever abides (walks) in CHRIST is restored.
You are forgiven as soon as you repent. Restoration is a process (which takes time), but forgiveness is immediate. If you are still struggling to accept this, say: ‘LORD, help me. I cannot do this on my own.’ Then, take the time to read, listen (to an audio Bible) and regularly repeat to yourself verses about forgiveness, restoration and God’s faithfulness. Keep doing this until they resonate in your heart.
Forgiveness is a conscious and deliberate decision (made without coercion) to let go of feelings of resentment or vengeance towards a person, organisation or group that has wronged you, regardless of whether they deserve it or not, and regardless of whether they repent or not. It is choosing, intentionally, no longer to be dominated, influenced or manipulated by negative feelings such as resentment, hatred, bitterness, grudges or pain. It is choosing to have, express and demonstrate, towards those who have wronged us, feelings, attitudes and behaviours that reflect the image of CHRIST. For example, respect, kindness, compassion, generosity, patience, honour, politeness, integrity, etc. We have seen what forgiveness is not and know that we can forgive and still file a complaint.
Those who forgive themselves do not accept false blame, do not deny the facts, and do not shirk their responsibilities. There is no forgiveness in denial, nor in false accusations. It is necessary to acknowledge the facts (reality), to be aware of what one has done, what one has not done, and, where applicable, the consequences.
One must not accept responsibility that is not one’s own. One must not believe oneself responsible for what was beyond one’s control. We are not masters of time and circumstances. We are responsible for how we act in the face of circumstances during the time granted to us. We are not responsible for the actions of the devil, demons, and those who collaborate with them. We are responsible for our attitude towards others, not for their actions (parents remain responsible for their minor children). I would like to say to someone who suffered trauma or witnessed a tragedy as a child that it was not your fault. A child is not responsible for the actions, reactions and feelings of adults.
Forgiving oneself means letting go of self-resentment and showing compassion towards oneself. Letting go of self-resentment means ceasing to be angry with oneself. It means ceasing to entertain negative thoughts about oneself. To show compassion is to recognise another person’s suffering, to care about it, and to act kindly to help them. Compassion is empathy accompanied by one or more actions to help the person who is suffering or to alleviate their suffering. Empathy comes first, then the desire to help, and finally the action. Empathy is the ability to understand another person’s pain as if it were one’s own. Showing compassion towards oneself means acknowledging one’s suffering, one’s need for help, and showing kindness towards oneself.
How can we forgive ourselves? How can we free ourselves from guilt (whether real or imagined)? The answers: through confession, truth, communion with the HOLY SPIRIT, and divine intervention.
The first step is to confess to GOD that you harbour resentment and/or feel guilty towards yourself. Next, acknowledge that you need to forgive yourself and say out loud (or silently, if you are unable to speak) that you forgive yourself. You must tell GOD that you need His help, that you cannot do this on your own. If you are angry, sad, exhausted or afraid, tell Him. It doesn’t need to be eloquent or long. But it must be true. As long as you are sincere and use your own words, that’s fine. If demons are stirring up your feelings, confessing to GOD is necessary for your deliverance. GOD meets us where we are to lead us to where we ought to be. GOD wants to help you, but will not force Himself upon you. You must allow Him to intervene. You must declare with your own mouth that you want to follow Him, that you entrust yourself to Him, and that you accept His process. Trust in GOD; He will not let you down. Hold on to JESUS’s hand.
The second and third steps take place simultaneously. The third step is to remain true (sincere), to spend quality time together, to talk to him, and to ask him questions. The second is to nourish yourself with the truth. Then, receive the truth from GOD: His interpretation of the facts and His will. This stage is the longest and takes place alongside the third stage. There is power in the truth. There is power in knowing and proclaiming the truth. ‘ For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light.’ (Psalms 36:9) “You will know the truth, and the truth will made you free.” (John 8:32) The truth you hear (and understand) is the one you believe. The truth (rhéma) you receive is the one you proclaim and the one that renews your mind. The one you proclaim is the one that comes to pass in your life. The one that renews your mind. This word enables you to ask forgiveness for your wrongs, to turn the page, to obey GOD, regardless of others’ attitudes, whilst awaiting the complete restoration of your soul. This word enables you to accept that what comes next will be better.
I want to say to someone: One day you will stop crying. One day, you will laugh out loud. One day, communion with GOD will be enough for you. One day, it won’t hurt to talk about it anymore. One day, the shame will cease. One day the guilt will be gone. One day the anger will be gone. One day, the new version of you (the restored version) will say with a smile, Glory and thanks to GOD my FATHER, to JESUS my big brother and to the HOLY SPIRIT my guardian! Even in His permissive will, GOD is good and He works all things together for my good. The LORD avenges in His own time and in His own way. His greatest vengeance is my salvation, my restoration, my destiny and my reward in heaven.
Divine intervention depends entirely on GOD. He alone knows where and when. GOD intervenes at every stage, continuously. The fourth seals the previous stages. It can happen at any time. One morning or one night when you wake up, during a spiritual encounter, a church service or an online service, when you’re at the gym, reading a book, watching a film, during a conversation, listening to a testimony, etc. I’ve placed it in the fourth stage because that’s the most common order. But exceptions do exist. I could compare this stage to a new birth. Some have heard the Gospel and then come to CHRIST. Others have encountered JESUS (through dreams or encounters), and then gone on to read the Gospel.
A personal experience:
After the death of one of my younger brothers, I couldn’t come to terms with my grief. I was filled with a false sense of guilt. I became depressed and had suicidal thoughts. One afternoon, I had a vision of a hand reaching out towards me. Then I heard JESUS say to me: " Will you accept my help? Will you take my hand? I cannot help you if you do not accept my help. The HOLY SPIRIT cannot heal you if you do not read the Scriptures. The spirit of your brother is in heaven." His words gave me peace for a few days, but they were not enough. I had to follow the process: confess, read, meditate and receive communion. It was only by following the process that I was freed from guilt and my soul began to be restored. It didn’t happen overnight; it took time. It took a long, long time. Yet it was JESUS who had spoken. Not only had he spoken to me, he had also shown me my brother.
My younger brother Yohan passed away in March 2015, the week after his twenty-second birthday. In May 2015, GOD revealed His plans for my life to me. One of these was my association Partage Ton Rhema (meaning share your rhema). In May 2015, I was free from guilt, but my soul had not yet been restored. Six months after my brother’s death, a cousin whom I loved like a brother passed away. He died just a few hours after I spoke to him on the phone. Unlike my little brother, he was in very good health. He died of a cardiac arrest whilst on the phone with his friends. Six months later, an aunt whom I cherished passed away from cancer. The false guilt has been weighing heavily on my soul.
I’d like to tell someone that just because it takes time doesn’t mean it won’t work. What you do with your pain, your resentment, your memories, and that feeling is more important than what caused it. Choosing JESUS means letting GOD speak to you, guide you, set you free, heal you, restore you, protect you and avenge you. Repentance is better than regret. You did what you could, what you thought was right based on what you knew and the person you were. Now it is time to move forward. GOD has plans of peace for you. You are forgiven as soon as you repent. Who are you not to forgive yourself? The One who shed His blood for you forgives you. Who, then, are you not to forgive yourself? In the name of what would you deny yourself forgiveness? In the name of your own righteousness? Are you more righteous than GOD? In the name of fairness? What do you know that GOD does not know? Let the HOLY SPIRIT help you.
Not having visions or encounters does not mean that GOD is not with you. GOD speaks in different ways at different times. GOD is in His Word, and the Word is worth more than visions. If you find it difficult to read the Word, listen to it. Ask GOD to give you verses to meditate on. Start with one verse. Ask Him for a song inspired by that verse. After that, listen to testimonies (or biographies), read a book or blog posts, and listen to messages. Turn your free time into times of edification. GOD will turn them into times of deliverance and restoration. You will rest in the presence of the LORD and rise up filled with His strength.
** Sabah ul kheyr (صباح الخير) = Good morning in Classical Arabic
** Këlëyan = Good morning in Balante (Senegal, Guinea-Bissau, Gambia)
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